GIRL, INTERRUPTED: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman With PMS

I get bad PMS everytime. No. I'm not using it as an excuse for bad behavior, it's just that I do get it bad. As if bloating, headaches, cramps and food cravings aren't enough during this time of the month, I also have to deal with the fact that during this period, I'm crazier and more homicidal than usual. A single wrong word can make me either weepy or ballistic. When I happen to have PMS during a no - work day, I spend the entire day in my bathrobe watching TV, weeping over shampoo ads while drowning my sorrows in a pint of chocolate ice cream (Yes folks, "Death by Chocolate" is indeed possible).

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS:	SAFER:	SAFEST:	ULTRA SAFE:
What's for dinner?	Can I help you with dinner?	Where would you like to go for dinner?	Here, have some chocolate.
Are you wearing that?	Wow, you sure look good in brown!	WOW! Look at you!	Here, have some chocolate
What are you so worked up about?	Could we be overreacting?	Here's my paycheck.	Here, have some chocolate.
Should you be eating that?	You know, there are a lot of apples left.	Can I get you a glass of wine with that?	Here, have some chocolate.
What did you DO all day?	I hope you didn't over-do it today.	I've always loved you in that robe!	Here, have some more chocolate.