After the Love Has Gone

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These past two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

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Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to my mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago!

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that MY SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Pain and Beauty

This morning, my mom lectured me about all the shoes I've splurged on but never wear. So to sort of please her a bit, I wore a pair from my "collection" of three - inch stilettos to work. Needless to say, it was hell to walk on those pseudo deadly weapons but I must admit, my legs looked longer and leaner and my feet looked sexier in them. I can't help but ask myself, why do I need to suffer just to look good? Can't I just wear sensible shoes (read: fugly!)? I guess pain and beauty will always be related. If you don't buy the premise, just think about your weekly facials and those Brazilian bikini waxes you need to get just to look flawless, and all those unforgiving diets and exercises you have to subject yourself to just to stay slim, and I haven't even touched on cosmetic surgery yet. Pain is a reoccurring theme in the study of aesthetics. Think about Chinese foot binding and those African women with ringed necks. Is beauty worth all that suffering? Beauty is power in many senses, and so, naturally, humans suffer through a lot of pain and torture, perhaps at seemingly superficial levels, to attain it. But for a quality that can potentially put the world at your fingertips, how far is too far? Nowadays the issue is no longer about your regular hair consultations or spa treatments, we are talking about the big leagues here -- cosmetic surgery. In the name of beauty, people are willingly subjecting themselves to extreme amounts of physical pain - and for what real purpose? To have breasts that vaguely resemble that of famous female showbiz personalities who themselves admit that their bodies are not perfect? I am no stranger to the beauty game. Cosmetics and other beauty products provide me with thrilling addiction, but to go as far as to look like someone I'm not, I guess that will be too much for me. But I cannot blame the people, most of whom are women, who suffer for beauty, after all, we live in a world that sets such a high standard for beauty. I guess to end the suffering, we should just all try to be happy in our own skin. Easier said than done, I know.

Dry Spell

No I'm not talking about my sex life but the alarming absence of rain here in the Philippines. This time last year we already had six typhoons but this year we only had one or two, I'm not really sure. It's already August and the heat is still that of summer. And the rains we've been getting lately? Those were just the result of cloud seeding. They just do something to the clouds to induce rain otherwise, there'll be none. Global warming has never been more real. The persistent dry spell has shut down the 345-megawatt San Roque Dam power plant in Pangasinan, considered one of the biggest in Asia, after water levels reached critical condition. I hate to sound so "doomsday" but if this is happening now, just imagine what it will be like in the future. We have to do something now, if not for our sake then maybe for our kids. Since we can't move to another planet (yet), what we can do is to seriously put into action those energy/environmental conservation measures that we've been putting off. And seriously pray for rain...

Too Busy Living

I have nothing to say (yeah right). I just don't have the will to write anything worthwhile right now. Not that it's a bad thing and not that it ever stopped me before. It's actually kinda nice to be living life instead of writing about it. It's nice not to be addicted to the internet for a change. It's nice to be surrounded by my loved ones -- living, breathing people and actually talking with them face to face and not just through characters in a computer screen. It's nice to see and feel everything that's real. And it's nice to really laugh instead of just typing this :D

I have nothing further.